side effects: headache, nausea, psychosis.

yes, it really said PSYCHOSIS. um. im taking this medicine and it's making me feel weird. not my kind of weird. someone else's kind of weird. i feel like my uterus is filled with strange things living inside of me and my teeth hurt every time i walk. it makes me fall asleep at 8pm. then i wake up and go back to normal (staying up until 2/3am). it's really uncomfortable to go to sleep too. i feel like i can't suck in my stomach and when i eat, it's a million times worse. 

i didn't eat until i got home at 7pm from my internship. you see, my stomach comes second to "time sensitivity."

there's a show called "Impressionism" that's opening on Saturday, thus I had to run around the world delivering things to investors and dropping off mirrors (stephen asked me 35 times which gave me the urge to break them all but stephen is cool and im on crazy medicine). I actually had fun though because running around manhattan beats the fuck out of sitting in front of a computer screen all day plus i had some crazy adventures along the way. 

"time sensitivity" was not apparent to me when matt asked me to bring a package to the post office that needed to be overnighted to california. the post office informed me that the zip code was not eligible for overnighting, but they could get it thursday morning. I said sure because what's a day? well, apparently a day is a big deal because matt asked me to go back and get the package then go to ups. who does returns at the post office? "oh yeah, you see i was having second thoughts on sending out that package. it just didn't fit right." 

don't worry, if you were wondering, our postal service is very hard at work. the package was gone within the 20 minutes it took me standing on line to ask. 

matt was really nice about it though. which surprised me because sometimes he talks to people like we're idiots. i don't think he does it on purpose because it evens it out with saying funny things. anyway, i ended up printing up a fed ex tag and grabbing those stupid mirrors to deliver them. though i clearly told everyone i was leaving, matt called me and told me that i should tell somebody when im going to leave. then he told me to do 6 other things, including to go ahead and grab a bite to eat which he quickly took back in a voicemail. i dropped off the mirrors and the guy was really nice to me. he spoke like he was in a hurry "we've been waiting for these! thank you so much!" but stood there like he wanted to chat. i was a little agitated so i hesitated on saying something clever like "wish i could have brought them sooner." he seemed really excited to see me, it made me feel kind of nice. 

i get back to the office and there's a package waiting to be delivered to an investor who lives on sutton place. i was excited because last time i had one of these packages it went to someone on the rich side of central park...well, the richer side. 

i finally get there.

TWO DOORMEN (which politely welcomed me as they opened the doors), marble floors, huge fresh flower arrangements, holy shit these people were rich. I dropped off the package with the gentleman at the front desk and as i was leaving, one of the doormen (the older one with a accent) said, "New York Film Academy?"

I told him that I was studying acting. He was excited that I wanted to be an actress and I told him he would see me in the movies one day. I think he thought I was a big deal because he made me feel like one. He looked kind of like a proud father, he had an accent like my dad actually and they were probably about the same age. When I went to turn away he continued the conversation, "What kind of films? Drama?"

I turned back to him and felt the impulse to open up but I didn't know if he would get it or why I would be telling a complete stranger my life dream and the reason behind it. i didn't have to, he already knew i wanted to be an actress. he didn't need to know why, i guess he saw the passion in my face and that intrigued him. 

i think he might have said good luck and i put my hand out and said "melissa." he pulled his glove off and shook my hand clearly taken aback. I walked back to the subway and laughed to myself. 

then are many more puppies with sweaters on sutton place. i couldn't help but look at them all and hold in my urge to "tuktutkatuakutkautkt" at them. but every once in awhile,  a person would catch my eye. this lady caught my eye. "that woman looks kind of arab" i thought to myself. she looked right back at me as we passed each other on the street. then she walked up to me and asked me a question. I didn't hear her because my ipod was on so I gave her a weird face which I thought meant "repeat please." apparently, she thought it meant "I don't speak English." She wasn't Arab, she seemed too relieved as she repeated her question in Spanish. 

"Fifty-sixth street is that way."

"Por alla?"

"Yup."

"Ay, Gracias."

when I got back around work, I studied how people walked. I tried to walk like them behind them.  I wonder if I made anyone laugh. 

the subway ride home was wonderful. there was a man playing songs and asking everyone in the car to tell him what they were. when he asked for donations he said, "i take hair weaves, i take college credit, i take jewish money..." everyone was smiling. when somebody got a hard song right he said, "YOU GODDAMN RIGHT LADY!" and when the mousey white girl next to me knew the black artist who sung the song he just played, he said "YOU BEEN HANGING AROUND BLACK PEOPLE HUH?"

then he played a song for everyone in the car and asked them to sing along..."EVEN THE WHITE PEOPLE."

he lost his job at Lehman's and had three kids. I bet he felt alive making people laugh like that. 

i know i would.