a conversation.

the artist turned to the man and said,

"i am a historian. not only of facts, but of feelings. i study people on a daily basis. i have the curiosity of a child and the determination of a lion. i am an innovator of day dreams and a philosopher of humanity.  i only lie for art's sake. i understand that envy leads to competition and instead choose admiration which gives life to wild inspirations. yet i am never satisfied. the flame within my soul occasionally smolders but never dies. i discover and create. and even on my worst days, when i feel as if i should put an end to myself, i am still more alive than you will ever be." 

found this...

the more i learned, the more i lost. 

hacked onto my old livejournal. i have no idea how i twisted so many words into such pretty sentences. all the poetry i wrote in high school. college really screwed me up. damn conformity! 

but i found it again & that's all that matters.

here's a throw back . courtesy of mi abuelo.

yo sueno que eyes un sueno

la realidad siempre es triste

el amoe solo es risueno

cuando solo en sueno existe

es como el eco distante

de alguna dicha lejana

como la voz de una amante

que fue tambien nuestra hermana

pero hay estas a mi lato

tu curaras esta herida

de las ruinas del pasado

surgira la nueva vida..

hmm....la nueva vida. yeah. that's how i'm feeling. 

what happened to..."you're an adult"

granted i'm not financially independent, which i pretty much have strived for because i'm sick of feeling bad for disrespecting someone for things i'm actually allowed to do.

first of all, there was no vodka. 

second of all, didn't even know he drank.

third of all and most important, i am completely insulted that you think that image could be burned out of my head for one second. 

sure, i was only five years old but i remember crying and screaming for it to stop. why would i want that to happen to anyone else? i'm home for barely 24 hours.  i want to spend time with people. god forbid i have a few drinks. 

bottom line. don't tell me what to do. sure, give me advice. but don't ever tell me what to do. 

so i was just in an elevator with broadway superstars?

yes. 

i've recently been working as a seller for the merchandising company i intern for. i work at south pacific & in the heights. nobody told me south pacific was 3 hours long, and at in the heights...everyone speaks spanish & me and my new friend/doorman winston have joined forced to sell tons of merchandise at walk in.

example.

winston: GET YOUR IN THE HEIGHTS MERCHANDISE! BEST MUSIC YOU'LL EVER HEAR!!!

me: YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT IN THE SHOWER, AT THE GYM, BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP.

then people laugh. and buy things? 

thus i prefer in the heights. anyway.

im reading this book right? and it says you should surround yourself with working actors because it will inspire you to do better. 

the actor who plays the father (rick) in "in the heights" always jokes with us. The other day he came over to buy a t-shirt for his niece. i said, "COULD YOU SING SOMETHING TO ME?" rodrigo, my fellow seller, looked at me like i was a complete weirdo...which i am..so nothing new. and rick looks at me, smiles and says "what do you wanna hear?" 

last night, i was in the elevator going backstage of happiness, the new musical at lincoln center, to get some more whimsical south pacific merchandise. i enter the elevator with a bunch of other people and one guy turns to me and says,

 "look at all this merchandise"

"yeah, you can have it. i don't really care." says i.

"no no i'd rather have it from my own show."

(i assume he's in happiness)

*two old ladies enter the elevator*

"OH MY GOODNESS! YOU ALL WERE AMAZING IN THE SHOW TONIGHT!"

"thank you." says they.

(i assume they're all in happiness)

*the elevator has become crowded and my new friend kinda pushes against me by accident*

"I just met you." i joke.

"yes. i know. it only gets worse." he jokes.

apparently he was in young frankenstein and all the other people in the elevator had numerous notches on the old broadway belt.

i didn't feel out of place. it made me think. "these people are totally normal, they're almost like me. this isn't out of reach!" i could totally own a broadway belt. 

i got star struck eariler in the day though. Stephen and I were in charge of setting up "Waiting for Godot" Merchandise. So, we went early...i walked into the theatre to get the merchandise from storage....and there is Nathan Lane just rehearsing. I stood there and stared. THEN JOHN GOODMAN CAME OUT LATER AND I REALLY WANTED TO HUG HIM BECAUSE HE LOOKED LIKE SANTA CLAUS. 

and sometimes, when i see Joanna Gleason I might forget to breathe for a second.

I hope I do that to someone one day. 

hello manhattan.

i've made about 20 million new actor friends this week from working In The Heights & South Pacific. and had someone to come home to. I want to write, but it's one of those days. 

stupid rain.