when you have money, you spend it. when you don't, you don't.

still trying to grasp that concept. 

anyway, today was a good day because i realized how much i like my internship because everyone is an actor (well the majority) and they are all friendly and funny and laid back. today, nick brought us a valentine's day game and some banana bread cake. 

now if you know me, you know i only eat fruit in it's natural form. and bananas DO NOT come in bread form. but i felt it would be rude to not eat it after he spent his hard earned broadway show producing money to purchase it. i came to a conclusion. maybe bananas should come in bread form. it was quite delicious. it was much like my experience with rice pudding. 

now if you know me, you know i don't eat foods with the consistency of throw up. but adam brought some up to his room and i made the sad face while i watched him eat it. then he said, "have you ever tried it?" and i said "of course not". so then i tried a little bit. and it kinda wasn't bad. then i ate half of his bowl. the rice pudding, not the bowl. yeah.....

anyway, i've started a pattern. on purpose. well, not on purpose. it was my intuition to say "now if you know me" and then go back to "anyway" but i almost didn't do it. you know why, because it's probably not the best way to write but fuck it. 

I had a revelation walking to the subway from work on tuesday. earlier in the day, i didn't know which way to turn to go to work (i'm too stubborn to ask for directions in a city i've lived near my entire life) and my intuition told me to go right. but then i stopped and thought about it then walked left instead. only to find out that i should have walked right. 

i've always been lucky and things have always just seemed to fall into place for me. i think it always stuck around because i never actually relied on it. it just kept me from feeling anxious because i knew somehow, everything would work out. that started to fade, especially during college. things still somewhat fell into place but sometimes they had to be forced to fit. 

i stopped trying to force them. and shit kind of just fell into place again. i stopped thinking and followed my intuition again. thus my revelation is this:

there's no such thing as luck: only intuition.