a little girl.

yesterday at a meeting with members of a bridal party (which i am apart of), i played with a little girl rather than fully paid attention. i was initially immersed in the conversation of party buses, overnight stays, naked men dance parties with an overwhelming feeling of frustration. I haven't been having the best two days (personally- professionally, they have been above and beyond) and listening to pricey options and desires with money I don't currently have (I emptied out my savings account on a vacation like a lunatic) made me want to scream some inappropriate things until i felt a poke from a little hand on my shoulder.

"hi. are you ticklish?" icebreakers are always quick with anyone below the age of 5. Something I've also found to be true with these small curious individuals is they know within the first few seconds of seeing you whether they like you or they don't. Usually, I am on the don't side. I work better with children out of the toddler years- who flock towards older people they think are "cool" rather than 5 and below who tend to appreciate someone who reminds them of mommy.

she decided that she liked me, and i let her use my drawing phone app-showed her pictures that daniel had drawn and attempted to teach her to draw a heart (an arrow pointing towards you and two equal size small rainbows on top) Apparently, my purse, car keys and ipod were now hers. Usually, when someone tries to take my possessions (regardless of age) I am annoyed, but for some reason I was incredibly calm. I think I was still in shock that she liked me, as she leaned against me and grabbed my hand.

Noticing my nail polish, she placed her miniature hand in mine and said "paint my nails." I told her I didn't have any nail polish, and she grabbed mine and mimicked the motions of nail painting. "Oh, she wanted to pretend- you stupid idiot."

At this point everyone stood up to go to the computer and look at photos of the stripping men at different venues. Her mother picked her up and moved over with them. I felt another poke on my shoulder and when I looked over, she was leaning forward towards me with her arms spread wide. She wanted me to hold her. So I did. And I started to think about what it would be like to have a daughter- all the things my friends who have them tell me. "I want to teach her the things I never learned with someone by my side."

It made me a little sad-because I'm not sure I'll ever have a daughter.