in regards to my present.

you know. i don't tell everyone these things. 

i couldn't possibly let my ego down for that long.

i like to think (pretend) that i had control.

but when i step outside the glass bowl

& look back at it.

i 

want

 to

 smash 

it. 

into a million little pieces 

so maybe i'll forget 

that i could ever let myself 

go (by holding myself in)

and maybe i could just 

take a deep breath

& release that terrible feeling

into the floor. 

i don't tell everyone these things. 

don't mistake that for repression

(that's the only thing i'm holding back now)

i just choose where it's released. 

and things like this,

well, i don't tell everyone these things.